"Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you." --Satchel Paige

For a little motivation and directly in response to my previous post, a re-post from the "blog" I use to keep on MySpace.....

A Morning High

May 4, 2006

Recently I've been feeling the build up of stress slowly creeping into my life. Not one specific thing that complete overwhelms me but a combination of personal, professional, commuting, financial, and of course family issues. In the past I have chosen various paths to control and eliminate stressful situations. At this point I broke it down to 2 choices, both of which where successful in previous trials....cigarettes or running. For those of you who are shocked or confused by the former of the two...Yes, I was a smoker for a period of time. I'm glad that I did not continue to engage in the habit, but at times I do miss the buzz of a good cigarette. It was an enticing idea for my current affair, especially for relief of my daily road rage. On this occasion I opted for the healthier choice and started running again.

There is nothing better than the feeling of becoming a runner again. This is possibly the longest period I've gone without running, so I was a bit intimidated by the idea and skeptical about how successful it would be. It felt good from the very first step....

With a gentle first step and the other foot instantly falling to the ground ahead of it, the run has started. Quickly I feel the air move over my face. At first my mind is dedicated to each movement. I feel my legs come forward with every step and concentrate on bringing each foot to the ground over and over again. I think about every breath. Then my step begins to settle into a cadence. The drum of my step, step, step falls in a rythmic dance with the effortless sway of my arms. I become unaware of my breathing. This is the moment when the minds just lets go and the natural glide takes over... focused but at the same time all thoughts are racing. It is release.

I feel liberated and forget my identity as a women and become a runner. I like the way the first trickles of sweat feel as they form along the temples of my face and over my ribs where my shirt touches my skin. I know it's Ok to let go of my polite mannerism. I spit whenever I have the urge and my face is stone with intensity. A hill approaches, so I dig my front foot down a little harder and pump my arms with a touch of aggression. At the top I feel stronger and settle into a decent pace again.

As I travel along the discomfort approaches. My oblique starts to ache and the stabbing makes me want to lean over, but I force myself to stay erect. The pinpoint pain at the edge of my scapula persists and creeps into the front of my chest. My breathing has become heavier, my chest feels tights (stupid asthma!). I will not stop at this point. The sun is behind me. The cool morning air surrounds me. I focus deeper, relax my shoulders, and let me arms fall back into rhythm. My legs start to burn. I push my pace harder. I am chasing my own shadow. Focus...1,2,1,2

At some moment realization sets in that there is nothing left...then it ends. At that very instant the weight of the world has been lifted. I am surrounded by a state of euphoria. The rush of endorphins overwhelms my subconscious. Whatever was encasing me is nowhere to be found. I feel my heart beating through every vessels. My air is restricted but I like the feeling. I love running for that very moment....

I realize quickly that my journey is not over. On this occasion I must make the trip back to the where I left my car. I walk lightly for a moment, then bounce into a slow pace of running. My rhythm returns quickly but much slower this time. The anxiety, conflict, and intensity that brought me to that run has left. It's a serenity and omission that will bring me back