Thursday, January 23, 2014

Taking time for life's moments

Waiting for a second child to arrive is so different than the first. With Riesling I remember sitting around rubbing my belly just waiting for this entirely new life to begin.  Life as a parent. Daydreaming about what he or she would look like and what it would feel like to make this incredible transformation into the stage of my life. I was taking long, long walks, watching too much TV, getting pedicures, and obsessing over baby gear.

Not to be taken the wrong way, but this time I find myself barely thinking about the new little baby.  I do try to take some time each night to just relax and absorb the movements of the baby will I lather my belly with lightly scented oil.  But, for the most part this time I find myself trying to spend as much time as possible in these last few days or weeks trying to absorb what it's like to just be Riesling's mom. Soaking up all the little tidbits of her tiny world. What a drastic change this is going to be for her. Ever moment we are together is about us, whether it's the two of us or us as a family.  Then all the sudden one day it just won't be. There will be this complete other person taking away from all those little moments. I know in the long run she will love having a sibling and Jim and I will love having a family that is just a little bit fuller, but I know there will be a transition period for everyone. I just can't help but put aside cleaning, cooking, or some other 'chore' of the day to sit and selfishly take in these last moments.

Many times over the last 23 months since Riesling was born I have reminded myself that there are so many moments you just can't get back.  I can remember it being Fall, having the windows open with that perfect kind of breeze blowing in.  It was quiet and peaceful in the late morning, I was rocking her while she slept all snuggled up in my arms.  At 7-8 months most people would have told me that she should be sleeping in her crib for a nice long nap, not in my arms. My dirty kitchen probably echoed the same sentiment but it was just what she needed at that moment. A moment I could give her and myself. A moment I would never be able to have again. Knowing that she would quickly grow past the phase. Knowing that I would never again having a quiet late morning with just one little sweet baby to give all my attention to. These days feel like that. 

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